No Sir… I Will Not Send You A Picture

 

fail

When I created my online dating profile I spent a lot of time curating the best photos of myself. I made sure I had some that showed my smile and dimples. Another with me out with friends to prove I had a life. And most importantly I made sure to include a full body picture. Yet somehow all my work was in vain. Every time I begin a conversation with a potential suitor I get asked to send them pictures. No sir… I will not send you a picture. Did you not see the photos on my profile?

Between my profile and Facebook I already have enough pictures floating around the inter-webs. These photos have each been filtered and gone through the full approval process. You do know if I was to send you one I’m just going to send you copies of those photos? Unless, you want the crazy bedhead Snapchats I send to my friends or the photos I take of my eyeliner because I forgot my compact at home, you’ve already seen the best that I got.

The real question is why do guys constantly ask for extra photos?  Look, I get the whole “guys are visual beings” thing, but I have 6 photos on my profile…isn’t that enough. If you want to make sure I’m not catfishing you, lets Skype. Some of us aren’t narcissistic enough to have hundred of selfies in the vault just waiting to be sent to random Joe Blow. And if you’re not worried about being catfished then exactly what kind of photos are you looking for?

Now I’m hip enough to know that what a lot of guys really want is some half naked photo. But they never just say it. Look boys I would much rather you be honest about what it is that you want. The sooner you let me know you’re a perv the sooner I can lose your number. Sorry for wanting to have a conversation before sending some stranger pictures of my lady bits. Actually, it wouldn’t even matter if I knew you for 10+ years I’m not sending you that type of photo. What if I become famous one day  ;-).

On a serious note, this is a PSA to all guys out there. Don’t ask girls for photos! Most of us don’t want to send them. If you need some visual stimulation here is a million dollar suggestion……….

………………….

…………………..

ASK US OUT!

Advertisements

2015 Dating Recap

dating

This year I tried online dating again… to say it was successful would be a lie. I prefer to say it was interesting. Me, my roommate, and some friends decided to give a number of sites a try. This time I stayed far away Tinder and opted for a few other paid and non paid alternatives. There I met a few “gentlemen”. Let’s go over a few shall we:

Guy 1

Starting off with guy 1 or as I like to call him Tavern Guy. He reached out to me because I said on my profile I worked in digital marketing. I was so excited because this was the first guy who actually bothered to even read my profile. That was until his questioning felt more like he was interviewing me for a job rather than a potential mate. And you know what he did offer me a freelance job which I respectfully declined. Leave it to me to find anything but a date on a dating site. A couple weeks went by then he messaged me again. I was thinking geez this guy most have never heard of putting up a job posting, classified ad, or hell look on LinkedIn. However, this time our conversation leaning a little more on the romantic side. Given our previous conversation I must admit I was a bit jaded, but he could form a proper sentence, didn’t use words like “dat” or “sup”, and he didn’t ask me if I wanted to see “IT”, so we were on a good track. Anyway, during our conversation he kept going on and on about how he was so spontaneous. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a planner. I love itineraries! Originally I didn’t think much about his spontaneity until he showed up at the bar I was at with my roommate Victoria. You’re probably thinking awww that’s so sweet… Yeah no it really wasn’t. Me being a dummy, I didn’t think much about him asking me which bar so I told him Tavern downtown. That was until literally two mins later he walked in slightly sweaty and a little out of breath. I didn’t even have to try to act awkward it was already an awkward situation. Did I mention he left his car running outside while his friend a rapping teddy bear sat in the passenger seat?  Yeah, let’s just move on.

Guy 2 aka Marriott Man

Now guy 2 just seemed too good to be true. He was handsome, tall, really in shape and had a MBA from Stanford. Sad to say I was suspicious but I played along for awhile. He seemed nice and was just moving into town for work. Because the high dollar condo he was going to be living in wasn’t ready his company had him living at the Marriott, hence the nickname. After a few days of talking he invited me for drinks at the restaurant in the hotel. While hesitant I decided to go because this was the first guy to ask me out vs just creepily showing up. However, seconds before I left my house he called and said he got hung up at work. Being that he supposedly he was the VP of Accounting for his company I thought was maybe he was telling the truth. Anyway, we tried to reschedule a few times but he seemed to only want to meet at the hotel. That’s when I really got suspicious and figured I was being catfished. So I channeled my inner Nev and Max and started doing some research. With a quick Spokeo search of his number and a Google Image search I found what I was looking for. So as far as I know he did use actual pictures of himself but lied about pretty much everything else like his name, job, school, and where he was from. The crazy part is the guy who’s LinkedIn profile I found using the name from Spokeo and his picture was actually very accomplished. While his MBA wasn’t from Stanford he still had one. He may not have been a VP in accounting but was still a high level executive. Oh well once I figured out he was a liar I just left him alone

Now for the others:

Guy 3 aka Girly Voice:

He was a truck driver but sounded 12 year old girl I just couldn’t do it.

Guy 4 aka Thirsty Turtle:

He looked a little scary so we were supposed to meet at a bar called the Thirsty Turtle with my friends in tow. Instead, he wanted to meet at night at the lake… No sir! My face will not end up of the side of a milk carton.

Guy 5:

No nick name for him. There’s really not much to say except for he was super immature.

Remind me to give up dating in 2016.

10 Observations From My Week on Tinder

tinder1

As many of you know, not too long ago I went on my first date. (If you missed that post you can read it here.) That date was… lets just say less than desirable, but I was okay with that. It just gave me another semi-funny story to tell. So that’s why I didn’t completely dismiss the idea of online dating when a friend suggested I give it a try. I thought if this whole find “Mr Right” on the internet thing didn’t work, at least I would get another blog post out of it… and that’s exactly what I got.

This time I never actually went on a date. I got so creeped out I didn’t even last a whole week online. You see, I think the problem started when I chose Tinder as the avenue I would pursue. I kept hearing people talk about it and on top of that it was free, so I figured it would be a good option. Plus, I knew I wasn’t dedicated enough to actually spend money for something like Match.Com or E-Harmony.

Now for those of you who don’t know what Tinder is, Wikipedia defines it as,

” A mobile app that uses Facebook profiles, to gather users’ basic information and analyzes users’ social graph to match potential candidates who are most likely to be compatible based on geographical location, number of mutual friends and common interests. Based on the results of potential candidates, the app allows the user to anonymously like or pass them. If two users like each other then it results in a “match” and Tinder introduces the two users and opens a chat.”

According to the people at Tinder, “Its like real life, but better”. Yeah, I’m not so sure about the better part, but I did notice that it definitely does mimic some basic human interactions. Here are 10 other observations I made from my week on Tinder.

  1. Its like playing Russian Roulette
  2. You can’t accurately judge someone’s height or weight via a photo. Not that it matters I’m just saying.
  3. Holding up random hand signs is the guy version of duck lips
  4. About 30% of the guys have their girlfriends in their profile photos… 😐
  5. I didn’t realize my city had a large number of over grown frat boys
  6. There’s a creepy chance you will see an old teacher from high school on there, I know I did…
  7. Everyone likes Southwest Airlines
  8. I see way too many people I already know
  9. I judge people based on our mutual friends
  10. I live in a huge metropolitan area but Tinder does not reflect that diversity

Have you tried Tinder? What are your thoughts? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section.

26, Unmarried, Childless, and I Secrectly Love When You Ask Me About It

For the past few days I have seen this article 26, Unmarried, and Childless shared up and down my Facebook news feed, tucked ironically in between engagement announcements and photos of infants. I remember reading this article when it was first written late last year and it seems since then every few months one of my fellow generational sisters tells her experience about not being at society’s expected stage of life. Being that I too am at the same stage I have fallen trap to reading every single one of these outcries. I found that their stories usually take one of two point-of-views. Either the girl takes the, “I’m not conforming to societal pressure, I’m single and fabulous” stand, or the, “I’m content with life but I secretly wish I was married with kids”. These are both valid view points and at some point in my mid 20’s I have felt the same way, but reality is, just because we are childless at 26 doesn’t mean we are the only ones getting hassled with aggravating questions.

Our 26 year old, married, with 3 kids, friends are getting asked the same questions- only theirs sounds like, “Don’t you think you had kids too young” or “Remember that time you got a business degree but decided to be a stay at home mom”.  Yes, these questions are irritating, unwanted, and ill-advised, but not getting asked those questions is worse than a few minutes of displeasure. Yes, you read that right, not getting asked those questions IS worse than your temporary annoyance. Now you are probably thinking, “Girl, please”, but before you hit the little x on the right side of this tab allow me to explain.

Continue reading

That One Time I Went on My Very First Date

As a little girl I always thought my first date would be this magical experience.  I pictured myself as this young innocent girl wearing a pretty new sun dress excited to meet Prince Charming.  Just like in every 90’s teen movie, the guy would pick me up and we would have a wonderful time at a casual local spot. He would have on a pair of jeans, a nice shirt and look simply dream.  I would order something cheap so I wouldn’t seem too high maintenance, and then offer to pay, but he would be too much of a gentleman to let me. Our conversation would have a beautiful flow of sarcasm and charm mixed with a little goofy humor. In my mind the date would be a moment to remember.

But reality had other plans…

You see, as much I wanted to live out my fantasy there were a few key factors that prohibited that from coming into fruition. First, I couldn’t let him pick me up. What if he was a serial killer? I’m not photogenic enough to have my mug plastered on the side of a milk carton. So instead I met him at Starbucks. It was too windy to wear that pretty new dress, so instead I wore jeans, a tunic, and a cardigan. I pulled into the crowded strip center parking lot 10 mins early and parked my car. I got out and saw him already sitting there looking at his phone. He was early, #BonusPoints!  As he stood up the wrinkles began to fall on the Brooks Brothers’ polo shirt and khaki shorts he was wearing. He adjusted the satchel on his shoulder (I guess he planned to do homework on the date?), shook my hand and said hello. It was a highly uneventful greeting. He went inside the store, I followed.

Yep you read that right, homeboy didn’t even open the door for me #BonusPointsRevoked.

After he ordered his Americana with a splash of cream I assumed it was my turn to order. Nope, he pulled out his wallet and paid before I had time to utter a word. Then he stepped aside. So I ordered my Iced Green Tea and paid with the gift card my mom gave me for Christmas. After I picked up my drink, I turned around to ask him where he wanted to sit, but he was already sitting outside. At this point I seriously considered leaving cause he was already displaying some very jerk like behavior, but this was my first time on a date and I said I would see it through.

So I went outside and sat adjacent to him at the table. The spot he had chosen had an interesting aroma of roasted coffee beans, his cologne, and the dumpster a mere 15 feet away. I looked across the table and saw him squinting at me. I’m not sure if he was confused by my appearance, if the sun was in his eyes or if the poor guy left his glasses at home, but the squinting never ceased.

I was sure the date wouldn’t last long considering how quiet he had been, but boy was I wrong. This guy was a talker. He talked for a long time about his 45 year old roommate who hates him for not cleaning and his love of fencing. I tried hard to be engaging, but my knowledge of fencing begins and ends with that scene in Parent Trap where Hallie and Annie meet for the first time. For the remainder of the date we talked about his career as a librarian and briefly about my taste in music.

When we ended the date he gave me this completely unnecessary awkward side hug. As we walked to our individual cars he said, “We should do this again”. The cynic in me whispered “yeah right” but my mouth simply said, “Yeah”.

I never expected to hear from him again and guess what…. I didn’t.

Now all I need is an American Apparel t-shirt that says “I went on a horrible first date and all I got was this t-shirt… but at least it’s soft”

t-shirt

A Look at Valentine’s Day Through the Eyes of a Late Bloomer

Valentine’s Day is a day many enjoy and several more dread. Today is a day our society has dedicated specifically to the celebration of love. But not just any type of love, this holiday has a heavy emphasis on romantic relationships. I believe that emphasis is why its one of the most cherished yet most hated celebrations of the year. Its a reminder of how beautiful love can be but also the pain that it brings.

Today some of you will enjoy a beautiful love themed dinner, be gifted tons of super sugary candy, dust prone bears, wilty flowers or engagement rings; while others will be downing a bottle of two buck chuck and watching the Sex in the City box set. But at the end of the day, everyone, whether intentional or not, will take a moment to reflect on their current views on love.

Well, I decided not to wait till the end of the night.

When I set out to write this post, I thought I would give you all some cynical and witty single girl exposé on the true meaning of the crazy commercial holiday. However, as I sat down at my computer I realized their are probably 34953479834.5 versions of that story already making their rounds on the interwebs. Instead, I decided to talk about Valentines Day from the perspective of someone who has never experienced it.

Now sure I have “technically” experienced this holiday. For 5 years of elementary school I was guaranteed at least 15 Valentine’s Day cards, and for the last 26 years at least a card from my parents. But I have never had a Valentine of the romantic kind. When I ask myself does that make me sad the answer is, not really. However, it does give me an interesting view on love.

Love is a word I understand but cant comprehend. To me it is just a foreign as the words Agape, Liebe, and Amour. I recognize the words, I can translate them, but I’m at a lost for their definition. I have yet to experience it, but I am intrigued by the idea of love. At times it seems unattainable and not worth the heartache it causes; while equally being an honest and beautiful thing I can’t wait to experience. But with all that said, love is something I simply cherish.

I cherish the fact that love is something that has to be earned.

I cherish the fact that love creates everlasting memories.

 I cherish the fact that one day I will be able tell someone exactly what love means.

Most of all, I cherish the fact that love will be worth the wait

(Cue Tori Kelly’s Dear No One)

So tonight as you reflect, I challenge you to cherish love. Take a moment to think about all the sweet memories you have because of it. Valentines Day isn’t about the dinner, gifts, or lack-thereof, its about celebrating God’s greatest blessing, LOVE.