This year I tried online dating again… to say it was successful would be a lie. I prefer to say it was interesting. Me, my roommate, and some friends decided to give a number of sites a try. This time I stayed far away Tinder and opted for a few other paid and non paid alternatives. There I met a few “gentlemen”. Let’s go over a few shall we:
Starting off with guy 1 or as I like to call him Tavern Guy. He reached out to me because I said on my profile I worked in digital marketing. I was so excited because this was the first guy who actually bothered to even read my profile. That was until his questioning felt more like he was interviewing me for a job rather than a potential mate. And you know what he did offer me a freelance job which I respectfully declined. Leave it to me to find anything but a date on a dating site. A couple weeks went by then he messaged me again. I was thinking geez this guy most have never heard of putting up a job posting, classified ad, or hell look on LinkedIn. However, this time our conversation leaning a little more on the romantic side. Given our previous conversation I must admit I was a bit jaded, but he could form a proper sentence, didn’t use words like “dat” or “sup”, and he didn’t ask me if I wanted to see “IT”, so we were on a good track. Anyway, during our conversation he kept going on and on about how he was so spontaneous. Anyone who knows me knows I’m a planner. I love itineraries! Originally I didn’t think much about his spontaneity until he showed up at the bar I was at with my roommate Victoria. You’re probably thinking awww that’s so sweet… Yeah no it really wasn’t. Me being a dummy, I didn’t think much about him asking me which bar so I told him Tavern downtown. That was until literally two mins later he walked in slightly sweaty and a little out of breath. I didn’t even have to try to act awkward it was already an awkward situation. Did I mention he left his car running outside while his friend a rapping teddy bear sat in the passenger seat? Yeah, let’s just move on.
Guy 2 aka Marriott Man
Now guy 2 just seemed too good to be true. He was handsome, tall, really in shape and had a MBA from Stanford. Sad to say I was suspicious but I played along for awhile. He seemed nice and was just moving into town for work. Because the high dollar condo he was going to be living in wasn’t ready his company had him living at the Marriott, hence the nickname. After a few days of talking he invited me for drinks at the restaurant in the hotel. While hesitant I decided to go because this was the first guy to ask me out vs just creepily showing up. However, seconds before I left my house he called and said he got hung up at work. Being that he supposedly he was the VP of Accounting for his company I thought was maybe he was telling the truth. Anyway, we tried to reschedule a few times but he seemed to only want to meet at the hotel. That’s when I really got suspicious and figured I was being catfished. So I channeled my inner Nev and Max and started doing some research. With a quick Spokeo search of his number and a Google Image search I found what I was looking for. So as far as I know he did use actual pictures of himself but lied about pretty much everything else like his name, job, school, and where he was from. The crazy part is the guy who’s LinkedIn profile I found using the name from Spokeo and his picture was actually very accomplished. While his MBA wasn’t from Stanford he still had one. He may not have been a VP in accounting but was still a high level executive. Oh well once I figured out he was a liar I just left him alone
Now for the others:
Guy 3 aka Girly Voice:
He was a truck driver but sounded 12 year old girl I just couldn’t do it.
Guy 4 aka Thirsty Turtle:
He looked a little scary so we were supposed to meet at a bar called the Thirsty Turtle with my friends in tow. Instead, he wanted to meet at night at the lake… No sir! My face will not end up of the side of a milk carton.
No nick name for him. There’s really not much to say except for he was super immature.
Remind me to give up dating in 2016.