Tag: rant

Things I Just Don’t Understand

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  1. People who don’t use their blinker when turning
  2. People who turn on their blinker 5 blocks before their turn
  3. Straight men with perfectly arched eyebrows
  4. Dallas Cowboy fans
  5. Cherry flavored anything.  ( That’s like Robitussin flavored food)
  6. Guys with their girlfriends in their Tinder picture
  7.  Girls with beauty mark piercings #THOTDots
  8. Tights with stirrups  and why people are still wearing them in 2016
  9. Why Uber can legally hike up the price 300% during peak times
  10. People who purposely spell “what’s up” as “wats up”
  11. Trump supporters
  12. Well done steak
  13. Why Kandi never checks Mama Joyce
  14. Why is it so hard to find the perfect foundation shade
  15. Why don’t I have enough time to read all the book I want to read
  16. Chunky highlights
  17. Why gel manicures cost more than acrylics
  18. Why Mr Right doesn’t just show up at my front door
  19. Colored Contacts
  20. Why bananas ripen so fast
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No Sir… I Will Not Send You A Picture

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fail

When I created my online dating profile I spent a lot of time curating the best photos of myself. I made sure I had some that showed my smile and dimples. Another with me out with friends to prove I had a life. And most importantly I made sure to include a full body picture. Yet somehow all my work was in vain. Every time I begin a conversation with a potential suitor I get asked to send them pictures. No sir… I will not send you a picture. Did you not see the photos on my profile?

Between my profile and Facebook I already have enough pictures floating around the inter-webs. These photos have each been filtered and gone through the full approval process. You do know if I was to send you one I’m just going to send you copies of those photos? Unless, you want the crazy bedhead Snapchats I send to my friends or the photos I take of my eyeliner because I forgot my compact at home, you’ve already seen the best that I got.

The real question is why do guys constantly ask for extra photos?  Look, I get the whole “guys are visual beings” thing, but I have 6 photos on my profile…isn’t that enough. If you want to make sure I’m not catfishing you, lets Skype. Some of us aren’t narcissistic enough to have hundred of selfies in the vault just waiting to be sent to random Joe Blow. And if you’re not worried about being catfished then exactly what kind of photos are you looking for?

Now I’m hip enough to know that what a lot of guys really want is some half naked photo. But they never just say it. Look boys I would much rather you be honest about what it is that you want. The sooner you let me know you’re a perv the sooner I can lose your number. Sorry for wanting to have a conversation before sending some stranger pictures of my lady bits. Actually, it wouldn’t even matter if I knew you for 10+ years I’m not sending you that type of photo. What if I become famous one day  ;-).

On a serious note, this is a PSA to all guys out there. Don’t ask girls for photos! Most of us don’t want to send them. If you need some visual stimulation here is a million dollar suggestion……….

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Never Trust People Who Put Sugar in Their Grits

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I’m a Texan 1st and a Southerner 2nd, but just like anyone else from the lower eastern part of the country, grits have been a staple in my household. Nothing says Southern comfort food like a bowl of yummy creamy grits. For generations Mamas and Grannies have been feeding their families this delectable savory side dish…..

The keyword in that last sentence SAVORY. That’s the only way they are allowed to be eaten. You can spice them up with some butter, salt, maybe a little pepper or perhaps some cheese. If you want to get all fancy, you can make it with cornmeal add in some parm and call it polenta. As long as its savory you are A-OK in my book.

But imagine my surprise when I got to college and realized that their are people in this world bold enough to desecrate a bowl of grits with sugar. Finding that out truly hurt my spirit. I vividly remember the first time I saw someone eating sweet grits.

Location: The Caf

Suspect: Girl from my dorm

Description of Crime:  It was a during Breakfast on a Sunday morning. The suspect was seen pouring an obscene amount of sugar in her grits

When I first saw her my thought was, “Oh bless her heart, the poor Yank doesn’t know how to eat grits”. I was going to go politely let her know that typically grits were eaten with salt and butter, but I didn’t really know her like that. So I let her eat that sweet concoction in peace, but I was side-eyeing her like nobody’s business, and deep down inside I got this feeling that she was the type of person I couldn’t trust.

After a lot of pondering over that feeling I think I have narrowed down to the three reasons why you can’t trust people who put sugar in their grits.

They are Fake

No one likes fakers and these people are as fake as it gets. Obviously they had no idea how to eat grits so they treated it like that nasty prison food, a.k.a cream of wheat. I mean honestly, can you really trust someone who is so boldly fake. I’m sorry but in this instance you can’t fake it till you make it. You either know how to eat grits or you don’t. No need to put on a charade.

Addiction to Sugar

90% of Americans probably have a sugar addiction, but this is taking it  to a whole other level. Like a Lindsey Lohan kind of level. That’s a problem. You don’t want to hang out with people who’s addiction is sooo strong that they would have the nerve to eat sweet grits. I mean people don’t sugar on their corn on the cob. Italians don’t put sugar in polenta. Why would someone put it in grits? I just don’t understand.

Poor Judgement

I just can’t trust people who display a poor sense of judgement.  Someone who would put sugar in grits shows a complete disregard of  sacred unwritten law and a lack of common sense.

Obviously I feel passionate about this topic. So what are your thoughts on sweet grits eaters? Let me know in the comments