The Day I Had an Emotional Breakdown

It happened on a gross muggy Monday night. I had just spent the whole day anxiously waiting a response for a job I had applied for in Dallas. I wanted that job sooo bad, I had even rearranged my schedule just before Easter weekend so I could go up for a last minute interview. This was my dream job, I thought. The big break I had been waiting for. The past week I had been constantly checking my email and phone hoping for a response from the company.This Monday was no different. The whole day had past and I heard nothing. I had just finished watching The Voice and decided instead of watching Castle like I normally do, I would go to bed early. It was 9:00pm. Before I got up to go get in my bed, I checked my email one last time. There it was at 9:03pm, the letter I had been waiting for. As I read the subject line I instantly knew it was a rejection letter. A form letter. A poorly constructed one at that. It read:

Subject: Thank You
Dear Latrice,
Thank you for the interest you have expressed in the Social Media Specialist-Dallas position and in employment with Dallas. (It would have made more sense to say Dallas office, or even the company name)
At this time, we have decided to concentrate our attention on other candidates who we believe best meet the current needs of our organization.  Please be assured that your application was given full consideration. ( Duh It was given full consideration, I had multiple interviews)
If you have applied for other positions, please note that this message is only in reference to the Social Media Specialist-Dallas position located in Dallas, TX.  We also encourage you to visit our website for information regarding other available positions. (I swear form letters SUCK, at least try to make it a little bit more engaging and less robotic)
We appreciate your interest in our company and wish you success in your career search.

I read it and cried. And cried some more. I probably cried for a solid 30 mins. Defeated doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. In the past 2 months I had applied for TONS of jobs. Most I never heard from, some I got rejection letters with no interview, but there were 5 positions where I had multiple interviews each. I was rejected from all of them. This job in Dallas was my last hope.

After an hour, my tears had dried up but the pain didn’t go away. The pain of feeling never good enough. The pain of feeling like this nightmare is never going to end. Then the tears came back and every frustration I have probably ever had came rushing in. I felt angry about things that happened in high school, hell I was mad about things that happened in elementary school. I was just so so angry and broken. Every single thing around began to annoy me. The light from the chandelier above me was shining too bright. The sound of Jennifer Lopez’s voice on the tv was beginning to make my eye twitch. I needed air but there was no fresh air outside in the humidity ridden Houston atmosphere. So I went into the bathroom, turned out the lights, and sat in the cold porcelain bathtub, then cried myself to sleep.

About an hour later I woke up in that dark bathroom still sitting in the waterless tub. It was then I realized I just had a full fledged Hollywood style emotional breakdown. I felt spent, yet free. Heavy, yet light. Everything that I had been holding in was finally free. I REALLY needed that cry. Although it was dramatic, it was oddly enough necessary.

So I got out of the tub and took a deep breath, ready to face the light after spending time in the dark. I walked out of the bathroom door,  sat down at my computer and began to write this post.

As I write this, I’m unsure what’s next for me but I know tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow, I begin searching for a job again. I’m sure I will be rejected much more than not, but I can only hope that eventually I will find something.


Why Being a Teacher is NOT the Answer to My Employment Woes

Unsolicited career advice is something that every unemployed individual encounters. Very seldom is the advice anything profound or even useful. Countless times I have been asked, “have you thought about teaching” or “why don’t you substitute teach”. Literally, I want to scream every single time I hear someone ask me that question, but instead I hold back the urge to roll my eyes to no return and simply say, “I’m not sure teaching is the right path for me”. However, even with that statement said people still try to encourage me to teach.

I may be in need of a job but trust and believe teaching is not the answer. I have made a short list of the 5 reasons being a teacher is NOT the answer to my employment woes.

1. I Don’t Want To
Its really that simple. I don’t want to teach.

2. Kids are Evil
Ok, maybe evil is a bit harsh, but you have to admit there are some seriously wicked kids out there. Have you seen the behavior of kids these days? The bullying and violence in schools is out of control. It takes a pretty strong person to handle the Denis the Menaces and the Bébé’s Kids of this new millennium . Seriously though, grade school was not a joyous event for me. I hated it and I’m sure it hated me. Why would I ever willing to go back to that torture?

3. Teaching is a God Given Skill that I Don’t Possess
I may not want to be a teacher but I really hope we never underestimate their importance. Teaching is an important skill set many of us don’t possess. There is a special craft to this profession. Just because you are smart doesn’t mean you will be a great teacher. I have had some teachers that were experts in their designated subject but had NO earthly idea how to convey that knowledge to a group of students. A great teacher is someone who can relate to young minds, is patient, can inspire, and most of all love their job. I honestly don’t believe I have the patience to be that nurturing teacher.

4. I’m Not Emotionally Equipped
A teacher’s job doesn’t only entail helping kids learn how to count or read. They are key influential figures in a child’s life. Teacher’s are supposed to be someone a kid can trust and talk to about any problems they may have. Also they have to have the ability to recognize if a kid is in need of help or counselling. Out of the teacher’s I have talked to most of them have encountered some very sad situations; from seeing students that come from abusive homes,ones that can’t afford to eat lunch, and those who have undiagnosed learning disabilities. I don’t know how teachers don’t go home and cry every night, especially when they know sometimes there is very little they can do to help a child. I know I am not emotionally equipped to handle those kinds of situations.

5. I Don’t Want To
Yes, this was also the #1 reason but this point needs to be emphasized. Confucius once said, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” I’d be a fool not to follow his advice. Teachers have a very important role in society, a role that I shouldn’t be trusted to fill.