The Day I Had an Emotional Breakdown

It happened on a gross muggy Monday night. I had just spent the whole day anxiously waiting a response for a job I had applied for in Dallas. I wanted that job sooo bad, I had even rearranged my schedule just before Easter weekend so I could go up for a last minute interview. This was my dream job, I thought. The big break I had been waiting for. The past week I had been constantly checking my email and phone hoping for a response from the company.This Monday was no different. The whole day had past and I heard nothing. I had just finished watching The Voice and decided instead of watching Castle like I normally do, I would go to bed early. It was 9:00pm. Before I got up to go get in my bed, I checked my email one last time. There it was at 9:03pm, the letter I had been waiting for. As I read the subject line I instantly knew it was a rejection letter. A form letter. A poorly constructed one at that. It read:

Subject: Thank You
Dear Latrice,
Thank you for the interest you have expressed in the Social Media Specialist-Dallas position and in employment with Dallas. (It would have made more sense to say Dallas office, or even the company name)
At this time, we have decided to concentrate our attention on other candidates who we believe best meet the current needs of our organization.  Please be assured that your application was given full consideration. ( Duh It was given full consideration, I had multiple interviews)
If you have applied for other positions, please note that this message is only in reference to the Social Media Specialist-Dallas position located in Dallas, TX.  We also encourage you to visit our website for information regarding other available positions. (I swear form letters SUCK, at least try to make it a little bit more engaging and less robotic)
We appreciate your interest in our company and wish you success in your career search.
Regards

I read it and cried. And cried some more. I probably cried for a solid 30 mins. Defeated doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. In the past 2 months I had applied for TONS of jobs. Most I never heard from, some I got rejection letters with no interview, but there were 5 positions where I had multiple interviews each. I was rejected from all of them. This job in Dallas was my last hope.

After an hour, my tears had dried up but the pain didn’t go away. The pain of feeling never good enough. The pain of feeling like this nightmare is never going to end. Then the tears came back and every frustration I have probably ever had came rushing in. I felt angry about things that happened in high school, hell I was mad about things that happened in elementary school. I was just so so angry and broken. Every single thing around began to annoy me. The light from the chandelier above me was shining too bright. The sound of Jennifer Lopez’s voice on the tv was beginning to make my eye twitch. I needed air but there was no fresh air outside in the humidity ridden Houston atmosphere. So I went into the bathroom, turned out the lights, and sat in the cold porcelain bathtub, then cried myself to sleep.

About an hour later I woke up in that dark bathroom still sitting in the waterless tub. It was then I realized I just had a full fledged Hollywood style emotional breakdown. I felt spent, yet free. Heavy, yet light. Everything that I had been holding in was finally free. I REALLY needed that cry. Although it was dramatic, it was oddly enough necessary.

So I got out of the tub and took a deep breath, ready to face the light after spending time in the dark. I walked out of the bathroom door,  sat down at my computer and began to write this post.

As I write this, I’m unsure what’s next for me but I know tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow, I begin searching for a job again. I’m sure I will be rejected much more than not, but I can only hope that eventually I will find something.

Advertisements

Why Being a Teacher is NOT the Answer to My Employment Woes

Unsolicited career advice is something that every unemployed individual encounters. Very seldom is the advice anything profound or even useful. Countless times I have been asked, “have you thought about teaching” or “why don’t you substitute teach”. Literally, I want to scream every single time I hear someone ask me that question, but instead I hold back the urge to roll my eyes to no return and simply say, “I’m not sure teaching is the right path for me”. However, even with that statement said people still try to encourage me to teach.

I may be in need of a job but trust and believe teaching is not the answer. I have made a short list of the 5 reasons being a teacher is NOT the answer to my employment woes.

1. I Don’t Want To
Its really that simple. I don’t want to teach.

2. Kids are Evil
Ok, maybe evil is a bit harsh, but you have to admit there are some seriously wicked kids out there. Have you seen the behavior of kids these days? The bullying and violence in schools is out of control. It takes a pretty strong person to handle the Denis the Menaces and the Bébé’s Kids of this new millennium . Seriously though, grade school was not a joyous event for me. I hated it and I’m sure it hated me. Why would I ever willing to go back to that torture?

3. Teaching is a God Given Skill that I Don’t Possess
I may not want to be a teacher but I really hope we never underestimate their importance. Teaching is an important skill set many of us don’t possess. There is a special craft to this profession. Just because you are smart doesn’t mean you will be a great teacher. I have had some teachers that were experts in their designated subject but had NO earthly idea how to convey that knowledge to a group of students. A great teacher is someone who can relate to young minds, is patient, can inspire, and most of all love their job. I honestly don’t believe I have the patience to be that nurturing teacher.

4. I’m Not Emotionally Equipped
A teacher’s job doesn’t only entail helping kids learn how to count or read. They are key influential figures in a child’s life. Teacher’s are supposed to be someone a kid can trust and talk to about any problems they may have. Also they have to have the ability to recognize if a kid is in need of help or counselling. Out of the teacher’s I have talked to most of them have encountered some very sad situations; from seeing students that come from abusive homes,ones that can’t afford to eat lunch, and those who have undiagnosed learning disabilities. I don’t know how teachers don’t go home and cry every night, especially when they know sometimes there is very little they can do to help a child. I know I am not emotionally equipped to handle those kinds of situations.

5. I Don’t Want To
Yes, this was also the #1 reason but this point needs to be emphasized. Confucius once said, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” I’d be a fool not to follow his advice. Teachers have a very important role in society, a role that I shouldn’t be trusted to fill.

What Does it Mean to be an Adult?

 
I am 26 years old. So I’m an adult, right?
I have a college degree. So I’m an adult, right?
I did my taxes by myself for the first time this year. So I’m an adult, right?
I’m in debt. So I’m an adult, right?
About 50% of my friends and associates are married with kids. So I’m an adult, right?
 

But…

I live at home with my parents…
I don’t have a career…
I’m never been on a first date
I still watch Sesame Street weekday mornings
I may or may not fangirl over pop groups like Fifth Harmony

So at the end of the day am I an adult or not? What does being an adult really even mean? According to Webster it means:

Adult  adjective ə-ˈdəlt, ˈa-ˌdəlt
1. fully grown and developed
2. mature and sensible : not childish

I find the word adult to be highly subjective. It can be interpreted as simply a physical state of being or a mental one.

When you think about it, many people have physically developed by age 16, but we all know a 16 year old is for from an adult. Therefore being an adult can’t just be about someones physical development. To me I find the meaning rooted in mental state but much more complex. An adult is not only mature in terms of personality but also in behavior. When I think of an adult I think of someone who is completely independent. This person can support themselves financially, they have at least a somewhat clear career path, and they can engage in mature social relationships. Basically, an adult is someone who has their (excuse my french) shit together.

So am I an adult….

Honestly, I don’t think I’m there yet.  I feel like I’m in the purgatory stage of life.

What about you all? What is your definition of adulthood?

86497245

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me Maintaining A Social Life In My Mid 20’s Would Be So Hard?

At 16 years old I was almost positive at 26 I would have this rock star social life. As I sat in my room on Saturday nights listening to Evanescence and Gavin DeGraw, I dreamt of the days when I would sip & nosh at happy hour and spend every weekend hanging out with awesome friends. Well imagine my surprise when things didn’t quite turn out that way. Since then I’ve probably been to a happy hour 3 times in my life and at least 1 of those was at Sonic. I go out with friends on average 1-2 times a month, and that’s a MAJOR increase from last year.

Tonight I realized there are approximately 10 factors that are hindering my social life from flourishing.

  1. I don’t have anything to wear.
  2. All of my old favorite spots are ridden with annoying college kids
  3. TLC’s Bride Day ( Until they cancel Say Yes to the Dress my Friday nights are booked)
  4. I can get a whole bottle of wine for the cost of one glass at a bar (or a few bottles of 2 Buck Chuck. Thank You Trader Joe’s!)
  5. Crowds make me sweat… and a lady NEVER sweats
  6. Dance clubs require dancing and I have 2 left feet
  7. Dirty Old Men
  8. Most of my friends live in different cities ( #IWentToCollegeOutOfStateProblems)
  9. My bed time is significantly earlier now
  10. Parking, Parking Parking

{ ETA: 11. I’m BROKE!!– Thanks to Janelle at Ears Like a Hawke for reminding me }

Proof I used to have a social life

Proof I used to have a social life

I know I need to do better. I’m afraid I’m going to end up an old boring cat lady… and I don’t even like cats. Why didn’t anyone tell me maintaining a social life in my mid 20’s would be so hard?

Friends I need your help! Do any of you have similar issues? What are you doing to maintain an active social life?

21 Things You Suddenly Start Wanting In Your Mid-20s

You all have to read this latest post from the Thought Catalog. When I read this I literally screamed YES to every single one. Well minus #14, I just don’t ever see myself being flexible enough for yoga. But everything else is exactly me, especially #1, #2, #3, #6, #8, #20, #21.

Do any of you relate to this article?

21 Things You Suddenly Start Wanting In Your Mid-20s

Once you have officially retired from your Crazy Girl self (or Crazy Guy, as the case may be), you start strangely desiring things that had never really crossed your mind before — or which had always seemed boring. Here, 21 things your mid-20s self wants desperately. 1. A job where you have to wear something nice. It used to be that you would avoid getting “dressed up” during the day at all costs, and would scuffle into class wearing all but a Hefty bag and some Ugg boots, but now you want to have a reason to shop at Banana Republic. You dream of a flawless statement-necklace-and-shift-dress combo.

2. Sangria. The phrase “I hear they have a good sangria here” has crossed your lips on more occasions than you’d like to admit.

3. At least a few hours of precious weekend time to browse home decorating websites, like West Elm or Restoration Hardware. Nothing quite like a cup of tea, a rainy afternoon, and some alone time with the SALE section of the tapered candle department.

4. Dinner parties. The whole idea of a dinner party — which used to seem tragically boring and prohibitively expensive — is now one of your top weekend activities. Dinner party drunk is one of the best kinds of drunk there is to be.

5. A hearty breakfast. You used to breeze past breakfast as a meal, remembering only around 11:30 that oh, right, you’re hungry and should probably eat something. But the classy and inexpensive cappuccino-for-breakfast life is no longer an option. You need eggs, you need whole grain toast, you need flax seed oil. It’s a whole production.

6. Bossa nova and/or classic jazz music that you can just bop along to in a chic way while you’re working at your desk.

7. A desk to work at. WHY HAS A DESK BECOME SUCH A THING. WHY DOES THE DESK SYMBOLIZE NEARLY EVERYTHING IMPORTANT IN YOUR MID-20s. WHY.

8. A decent amount of time to do everything. You used to just flutter in and out of activities with total abandon, and now if you don’t get at least 20 solid minutes of prep, you might as well not do it. 30 minutes at the gym is enough to get change, strech, shake off the cobwebs, take several big gulps of water, and figure out how to turn on the machine.

9. Friends who work in the same industry as you. If there’s one thing you like more than your job, it’s talking about your job at length with someone who gets it. You need to be having “professional” conversations, so everything feels like you’re getting work done even though you’re just complaining over mojitos.

10. Related Thought 23 Signs You’ve Retired From Being The Crazy Girl 23 Signs You’ve Retired From Being The Crazy Girl You catch yourself giving sage, almost weary advice to girls who are no more than two years younger than you. (You punctuate this advice with, “You’re so young.”) 10. Functional clothes to wear to weddings. One minute, you’re just buying dresses because you like them, the next you’re like “Is this blue too close to white? Would it show up the bride at all of the hypothetical weddings I’ll be wearing this to?”

11. Throw pillows. You want them on everything. You want them in all patterns, all colors, all fabrics. Throw pillows are an indicator of success and put-togetherness unmatched by any other animal in the home decor kingdom.

12. A blender. You have things to blend, and not-so-yummy vegetables whose flavor you must mask with extremely-yummy fruits!

13. Activities. All of a sudden you want to join classes? For things? That aren’t alcohol or working towards a degree? Who is this person in the 7:30 Afro Cardio group, who has to make it out in time for her book club, because you definitely don’t recognize her.

14. Yoga. You kind of just know you need to be doing yoga, and you frequently have that thought whenever something starts hurting of “Hey, yeah, I should probably take up yoga,” and all of your friends keep talking about yoga, and then, yeah. You’re doing yoga all of a sudden.

15. Someone to wake up next to. This one is kind of bleak, but at a certain point you go from wanting to dance the night away with whatever sea sponge happens to be stuck against the wall of the club, to just looking for some #MorningSpooning.

16. An iPad. Why does your brain suddenly think the classiest thing you could possibly do is pull an iPad out of your bag, stored in a leather case of course, to do something professional-looking on? Do you need an iPad? Of course you don’t. No human being has ever truly needed an iPad.

17. A calendar. All of a sudden, there is something really soothing about the idea of having a calendar that you have up on your wall, as well as a well-filled out Google Calendar that pleasantly gives you reminders all day. Calendars used to be the tool of The Man, and now you’re The Man.

18. Bottomless brunch. You hunt those deals down like a Russian spy, and if you and your girls find the place with the best quality-to-quantity ratio of Mimosas and/or Bloodies, you can bet that your asses will be planted there for four straight hours on Sunday.

19. A cute travel mug. Why should this matter? What does this say about you? Why do you want one so badly?

20. A good knowledge of wine bars. There is something so put-together and elegant about a good wine bar, and being able to just offhandedly say to someone “Oh, yeah, that place is great, and they do excellent pairings with their seasonal menu” is such a victory.

21. Routine. Above all, whether it’s the person you wake up with or the cup of herbal tea you go to sleep with, there is something that becomes so wonderful and, dare I say, sexy about slipping into a nice mid-20s routine. It makes you feel comfortable and like you’ve truly achieved something, even if it means you may have gotten a little boring. Maybe the best part, though, is that you no longer really think of “boring” as insult. Boring people get shit done.

You can read the original article here.

 

Quarter Life Crisis Relapse

I have relapsed…. Yep, my quarter life crisis is back and with a vengeance this time.

^ I wrote that almost two weeks ago, but I couldn’t seem to find the rest of the words to accompany that thought.

This morning I logged onto my computer half halfheartedly determined to finish this post when I some how found myself on YouTube.

Staring right in front of me was a recommended video called Quarterlife Crisis Musical. I must admit I was a little creeped out by the mere fact that YouTube obviously has some sort of mind reading abilities. Seriously, how else would they know about my dilemma and undying love for musicals? Hmm well maybe its all of those Shoshana Bean, Katie Thompson, Jonathan Reid Gealt and Scott Alan videos I watch. Nonetheless, I was shocked to see the suggestion and intrigued enough to spend 3 mins of my life figuring out what this video was all about.

After the first 20 secs I was convinced that this video was a God send. It said, better yet sung, everything I wanted to say when I started this post two weeks ago. So instead of trying to regurgitate the words, I thought it was best I let them deliver the message for me.

Check out the Quarterlife Crisis Musical below, you wont regret it!!